


Broke his own heart

by Cirkne



Series: Breaking Glass [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, depressed Yamaguchi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:20:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1982781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cirkne/pseuds/Cirkne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi and his feelings towards his parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broke his own heart

**Author's Note:**

> Title from The only exception by paramore

When Yamaguchi was little his dad used to tell him that if the boy cries too much he'll run out of tears. It was one of those lies Tadashi never really stopped believing. He knew it wasn't true but thought of it as if it was. 

Depression made him realize it wasn't true but still there were times when he couldn't cry. Yamaguchi told himself it was because he wasn't sad enough but it felt different. As if he couldn't be sad. Or happy. Or anything else. As if he was just empty.

The thing about feeling empty is that you know you're not but it seems that there's a space inside you that you can't fill and it gets bigger every day. Yamaguchi feels his heart get lost in the dark. He imagines depression like shadows creeping up on him and his shoulders start feeling heavy.

Tadashi learns to make himself small so that people wouldn't notice him. When his mom comes home after work he tells her he already ate and stays in his room. If he's not playing with the others during practice he sits where no one really looks. It's all a part of feeling empty. Yamaguchi thinks he's a waste of space. 

His mom has seen him cry twice because of his dad. The first time just after his father left them. He doesn't remember it clearly because the boy was only five but he remembers asking what did he do. Remembers hugging his mother's leg. Remembers her crying with him.

The second time when he just turned six. At midnight the numbers on the clock changed and it was not his birthday anymore but his dad still wasn't there. He remembers his mother holding him and her chest moving as if she was sobbing with him. 

Yamaguchi tried not to be sad around his mom anymore because he didn't want to see her upset. It was hard because sometimes his father would call and tell the boy about his new family and how much happier he is. Tadashi would remember the divorce and the screaming. How his mother's voice sounded hopeless when she asked the man not to leave.

He doesn't hate his father. Loves him to be true but his father stopped being a person. He's more of an idea. A memory. He is the sweater that would lay on the sofa. He's soccer on TV. The necklace Yamaguchi's mother still wears. The loud laugh that can still be heard in their kitchen if you only listen. Like the echo of when they were happy.

Sometimes Tadashi cries hoping he won't be able to do that anymore. Would give anything for his father's lie to be true. Wonders if his mother thinks the same about the I love you's she's heard. Wants to be the only thing she needs. Doesn't know how.


End file.
